Thursday, March 9, 2017

Submitted by Chelsea Cibelli

Due to the extreme popularity of information relating to EKG tattoos, which I discovered accidentally during the course of this heart rhythms project, I have begun a parallel project over at

The world needs a database of good, accurate medically relevant tattoos. If you have a tattoo you'd like to submit to the database for the benefit of others, email 

I'd also like to attract a group of artists wishing to sell their fire & medical tattoo art by online consignment. If you have designs you would like to sell through the health care tattoos project, message me at


Friday, March 3, 2017

The Lift Assist

This is part III of a series on mixed drinks for off-duty EMS providers. For parts I and II click on the following links:


I can't say enough (more for my liability and less out of actually caring about what happens to any of you people) that these drinks are for when you are OFF DUTY. I am not telling you to drink on or before duty. But when you are off duty, go crazy. 

This is the lift assist. Just like real lift assists, they are mostly for at night and involve having to go pee. They are revenue negative, require almost no paperwork or charting, and the brown foamy head should remind you of a similar substance frequently encountered while lifting old and fat people out from the space between the toilet and the bathtub.  

I happened upon this mixed drink while attempting to make that cheap idaho rum in the above picture palatable for human consumption. It is so bad. So I threw a splash of vanilla extract and a shot of whipping cream into my rum and coke (also known as "The Ted"), and the end result was great. 

After a couple of these you'll be saying "more lift assists, please!"

  • 1 jigger of rum
  • 1/2 jigger of whipping cream
  • a splash of vanilla extract
  • Coca Cola or Diet Coke. 

Heart Smart

Smart is not the exact qualifier I would use to describe this coupon mailer:

 ...And some belated heart month amazingness: 

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Heart Month Reader Submissions

It's heart month again! And the fourth anniversary of this blog. Someday I will write to you about my gruesome wicked and awesome night that occurred on the day I began chronicling bad EKGs, but I am not ready yet. Maybe in a couple more years.

To kick off heart month we have a couple reader submissions. Here is one from an anonymous reader who surmised that the roads in Laona, Wisconsin must be very bad, with lots of artifact:

This one comes from a NY Fire medic who ribbed me a bit for the conclusion I drew in my last posting bout this patch:

And finally, I found this piece of crap in the Goodwill health books section. I'm guessing its owner died after following the advice contained within this book, and his heirs went ahead and donated this and all his magnet therapy garbage for the tax write-off:

If you have a heart month reader submission to share, please email it to

I am also starting a project collecting pictures of good EKG tattoos. Please send your photos of your EKG tattoos (not pics you pulled off google please) to

Currently I am receiving two to three EKG consultation emails a week. I love it! If you need consultation on an EKG tattoo, if you have a piece of art or marketing containing an EKG that you wish to have checked for accuracy, or if you have any bad EKG related questions, don't hesitate to avail yourself of my free consulting services at If you appreciate my help, click on a couple ads or something at the bottom of the screen.

Thanks everyone for what you do,

Saturday, January 14, 2017

B. Wipes

This post is about..... baby wipes! I bet I faked you out with the B in the title! You thought I meant something else. I got you so good.

Although I suppose you would primarily use baby wipes to wipe B's...

My wife makes fabric B. wipes for babies and sells them on the internet. Recently she found a fabric that is truly worthy of wiping on a B.

Star Trek Beyond

Star Trek Beyond blew me away. We probably watch it about twice a day right now. The unfortunate side effect to obsessing over an awesome movie like this is that all the little inaccuracies become obvious. Like Spock and McCoy surviving through an explosive decompression and exposure to -455 degree outer space in a small spaceship which was designed for a mining robot to pilot but for some reason still has pressurized oxygen for them to breathe. Or, this little gem:


I'll admit that I haven't studied alien physiology as much as I should, but that looks like an unhealthy amount of v-tach.

If you are making a movie containing an EKG scene, please avail yourself of my services by emailing me at so I can help you keep these irritating inaccuracies from ruining your film for a tiny, tiny subset of a fraction of the population who is able to identify these rhythms and then cares if they are correct.

Despite all this, Star Trek Beyond is still a great movie. Buy it here:

The Screwtransfer

This is the second installment of a multi-part series on mixed drinks for off-duty EMS providers. Click the following links for parts one and three:


This simple yet effective after-work potent potable is a variation on the classic screwdriver, called... the screwtransfer. The Screwtransfer is designed to drive liquor into your gut as fast as possible after your dispatcher sends you and not the oncoming crew on a late interfacility transfer at the end of your shift and completely screws your entire day off. Indeed, you had planned to mow the lawn and change your oil on that one non-raining day forecasted for the whole week, but noooo.... someone who is completely ambulatory and who even owns and drives their own car has demanded that the Medicaid taxi drive them to dialysis in their jammies. Or, the patient who has been sitting in the ER for the last 8 hours must now be emergently transferred out to a hospital 100 miles away, and, oh yeah, the RN was nice enough to give them all of the kayexalate with sorbitol before you got there so you don't have to worry about doing it en route. Now you are so freaking exhausted when you get home that the only things you're able to muster the energy to accomplish are to yell at the dog for crapping on the carpet, and then go to sleep. For those days... the screwtransfer.


1) Your drinking shirt. Don't act like you don't have one in your car right now.
2) Orange juice or any other juice.
3) Potato liquor.

Step 1 - Take off your uniform shirt and put on your drinking shirt in the parking lot at work. The last thing you need is to get caught doing this in the liquor store parking lot. The near-minimum wage paying EMS industry has a fa├žade of professionalism to uphold.

Step 2 - Hit up the liquor store for the cheapest vodka or gin you can find. It doesn't matter what kind; it's all the same.

Step 3 - Grab whatever orange juice or other juice you can get easily at the grocery store. Again, it doesn't matter. Your goal here is to get in and out as quickly as possible to decrease the risk of running into anybody you know and having to come up with a bunch of bullshoot smalltalk to entertain them with. There's no time for that garbage; you have drinking to do.

Step 4 - Mix up those delicious ingredients over some ice, and drink. Portions are up to you.

Step 5 - Yell at the dog again.